i'm currently trying to self medicate with a copious amount of caffeine.

i don't think its working out very well.

either way, in the morning im scheduling a psych appointment for a refill on my vyvanse.

sooooo. the new year is here. it came, very fast! but also, somehow, very slowly. 2025 was an insane year for me, in particular. i guess, it was also an insane year for the rest of the world, too. overall, a lot did happen.

ai no umi: the sea of love

last year, i began this path in my art journey. ive been in the arts for a very long time, even in online spaces. but this particular path ive embarked on has been special.

i began using the ainoumi alias as a sort of hiding away from everyone sort of deal. in the beginning, i just wanted a place where i could freely be my weird, perverted self. a website like this wasnt even in the plan, not even art itself. i just wanted a little hideaway for myself as i began to pick my life back up after moving back to my hometown.

then i made a bluesky under the handle. and i began to just, post random koikatsu screenshots there. this wasnt new to me at all or anything, but i was intending to keep quiet about it. it was great fun, that is, until internet censorship became a hot topic. thus, the site was launched to basically serve as a gallery for my koikatsu renders and a dinky little blog to muse about my thoughts more openly on.

ah... here's where my memory starts to blank a bit. but over time, it became apparent that people liked my silly little pictures. and that was... a bit terrifying! however, i didnt want to just, repeat the cycle of nuking my account and starting over to stay out of the spotlight. ...i wanted to get over that.

so, i did everything scared.

and... it's the best decision i've ever made.

i optimized my general public presence over time, nothing crazy. just some quality of life stuff. im kind of blanking on how to go into specifics at the moment. i guess, to be honest, while i do try to seem somewhat "professional" (whatever that means!), ive over all become much more open with myself as a person and what i do and what i like. i'm still a hobbyist at heart, either way. im more just adding some polish for my own pleasure.

which is, by the way, EXTREMELY AWESOME OF ME!

im a freak im a weirdo

to save you the sob story, lets just say ive always had a huge issue with trying to conform for the sake of fitting in. a tale as old as time. this issue had followed me everywhere, including in my own art time and play time.

it occurred to me at some point that... im a fucking freak, dog. there's no fitting in for me in a way that is deemed normal to society. and in light of censorship amongst the web? i need to be as much of a freak as possible.

so, i did!

and it turns out, ive found myself some other freaks! some i had already known, some new. and even if i know some folks who arent quite on that level, they still support me regardless.

and holy fuck. i am ever grateful, for such a supportive community, friendships, and life partners. i seriously don't know how the hell i lucked out this hard, considering... The Everything. *gestures vaguely*

thank you.

i feel like, "thank you" is not enough. but it'll have to suffice for now, as i cant just open up the little door over my chest cavity and show you my raw emotion that way... i think that would kill a man, actually. lets not do that.

but seriously. i am grateful. yes, being online and perceived can be scary for me, but i think thats just what makes this whole thing sweeter. i laying my ship bare, doing what i do under the circumstances ive been in. and everyone has been so kind.

thank you.

*ahem* well, that was sappy. anyway.

let see... i guess i could mention some goals i have in general for my future work. i make no promises on actually meeting them, but i'll give them an earnest shot!

nice and simple, i think.

what else is new?

well, a little while ago i did switch primary sonas. this design is actually more like my "true self," so to speak. but anyone is allowed to keep using the other umi too, if they wish. i'm not too picky about it.

pictured above is the new sona; Umi L.

as stated above, i actually did start drawing again... seemingly right after i swore it off again. it's become fun again! i kind of blame my sister for that. for christmas, she got a bunch of fun art supplies, and she let me play with them a bit. i guess it sparked something within me again.

i made a couple new socials; NewGrounds and deviantART. NG will feature only 2D illustrations at this time, due to their "no scene builders" policy. and i wish to respect that. plus, its just an excuse to draw more! as for deviantART, both koikatsu and illustrations will go up there. fetish content will probably be uploaded to both regardless, but anything with sex or genitalia will probably not be on dA. im... not exactly sure of their policies on that and i dont want to get sniped.

that's a wrap!

thank you again for an awesome journey so far. i only wish to keep going and see what happens next. here's to another year!